So, here is the first paragraph, verbatim, of a crime story from Portland, Oregon.
A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.
Okay, there was a lot going on there. Make sure you got all the pieces. Drunk. Masturbating while staring at pornography. While driving. Driving a stolen car. Right through a big yellow "crime scene" tape. Area swarming with local and state constabulary, all carrying guns. Looks like this:
But the judge let him off pretty easy. Because the guy wasn't texting. THEN there would have been trouble.
Sounds a future Darwin Award, maybe 2014. Oh, and with a grateful nod to Raoul.
A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.
Okay, there was a lot going on there. Make sure you got all the pieces. Drunk. Masturbating while staring at pornography. While driving. Driving a stolen car. Right through a big yellow "crime scene" tape. Area swarming with local and state constabulary, all carrying guns. Looks like this:
But the judge let him off pretty easy. Because the guy wasn't texting. THEN there would have been trouble.
Sounds a future Darwin Award, maybe 2014. Oh, and with a grateful nod to Raoul.
I thought that, in order to qualify for a Darwin Award, one had to do something that prevented himself from (further) procreating?
ReplyDeleteThis guy still appears to be a threat to the gene pool.
Sorry, I missed the last sentence. I wouldn't bet against him for 2014.
ReplyDeleteLooks like Tim Robbins, no?
ReplyDeleteIf they ever make a live-action version of The Simpsons, expect to see him playing Sideshow Bob
ReplyDelete