Dead Crows: Avian Flew?

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.  A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. 

The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.  By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly determined the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending dangers.

The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah", none could say "Truck."

That's for Shirley, folks.

People Prefer Cheesy.... Jokes

These are some bad jokes, so I like them. And, they are CHEESY!

Nod to Tom H.

If we only had that ram, John, we could mate and have fun.

So, yes, I defended Bev "Governor Dumplin'" Perdue.

Because at another appearance, she saw some sheep and told the co-founder of SAS, "If we only had that ram, John, we could mate and have fun." How can you not enjoy that?

Look, folks: she is not quick and witty. You don't have to be smart to be an elected official.

But she was clearly joking.

Maybe I'm just defensive because I often say things like that, and people can never tell if I am joking. They can tell it's not funny, of course. But they can't tell if it was supposed to be funny.

UPDATE: From the Blonde, who is not entirely convinced Bev was joking, comes this "separated at birth" photo...

A Surgeons Joke

Five surgeons are talking.

The first says: " I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is
numbered. "

The second responds: " Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded. "

The third says: " No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. "

The fourth chimes in: " You know, I like construction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. "

But, the fifth shut them all up when he observed: " You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, -- and the head and the ass are interchangeable."

All Hail Norm McDonald

I have only watched one episode of the current season of High Stakes Poker, but new host Norm McDonald was brilliant.

Here was my favorite bit, as verbatim as I can make it:

Let me translate that into poker talk. Barry is saying that Doyle sucked out on cancer. I wasn't there at the time but I believe it went runner-runner.

Just thinking about cancer having a bad beat story to tell made me laugh pretty hard!

Two Catholic Jokes

Apropos of pretty much nothing, two Catholic jokes:

LEMONS
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made wild passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that big grin off of your face.'


THE DOG
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, me dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor madadh?'

Father Patrick sniffed, 'I'm afraid not; we cannoa be havin' sairvices for animals in the chairch.... But there's a pack o' Baptists down the lane, un there's no tellin' what strange things they believe. Maybe they'll honor yer poor creature.'

Muldoon said, 'Aye, that's a good idear. I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think 5,000 punt is a big enough donation?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mahry, Mother of Chay-sus! Why din' ya tell me the blessed dog wahr Catholic?

(nod to the LMM)

Libertarian jokes

1. Two libertarians are talking in a bar. The first one takes a long pull on his beer, and then yells, "Question Authority!" The other spits beer out of his nose, and angrily splutters, "Why the hell should I?"

2. Senator Richard Burr was driving out in the country, and saw a sign that said, “Republican Puppies for sale!” On a whim, he stopped. A little boy showed the Senator the puppies, and they were so cute with their squenched up eyes and floppy ears that the Senator promised to come back after they had been weaned to buy one.

Three weeks later, he checks back. But the sign has been changed. It says, “Libertarian Puppies for sale!” Senator Burr goes up to the house, and says, “Last time I was here, sign said “Repub Puppies,” now “Libertarian Puppies.” What’s up?

Boy said, “well, it’s true. They were Republican puppies, but now they’re Libertarian puppies. As puppies get older, they open their eyes!"