I didn't think crap like this still happened (if crap like this can happen, why was Jared Kushner even born?), but here are actual questions published and answered by "Dear Abby". Only this time, Dear Angus answers instead.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for three. I had an affair a little over a year ago that he found out about. He has let me back into the house, but he demeans my character at every opportunity. I don’t fight back because I know I am the cause of his pain.
We have a 3-year-old daughter, and I am now six weeks pregnant with his child. I do not want to argue with him, because if I had been a better wife, he would not be so angry. But the hurt I feel from his words over the past months is weighing heavy on me, especially with my new hormones.
I’m holding it in, but should I leave? Become a single mother? How can I get him to a counselor? — NEEDS COUNSELING
Well it seems that he likes you enough to sleep with your cheating ass. So I'm sure everything will peaches and cream once the baby is born (assuming it looks like him). If not, just get your cheating ass pregnant again!
DEAR ABBY: I have been with the same man for six months. He has been separated from his wife for 10 years — but not legally.
When he finally decided to tell her there is someone else and he’s moving on, she went crazy. She said she wants alimony and half of everything, plus the house will have to be sold because she will not allow “the new woman” to live in “her” house.
It’s been a month since he told her. We talked to a lawyer about a divorce, but all he is worried about is paying alimony and losing the house.
I am getting sick of hearing about it. All he keeps saying is, “I love you, but I don’t want to lose my house or pay her money.” What should I do? — FIGHT OR FLIGHT IN MASSACHUSETTS
I really don't see the problem here. After all, he loves you! I'm positive that any day now he'll pay the money and get the divorce. Oh and can we talk about what a B*(&H the wife is? What kind of jerk want's half the marital assets in a divorce? She is so damn selfish! She's bliss-blocking you.
DEAR ABBY: We recently lost one of our cherished pets, our oldest cat, Mandy. We never had children, so our pets ARE our children.
I get that people who have never had pets don’t understand the joy and unconditional love they can bring. But I don’t understand why people we thought were close to us haven’t acknowledged our loss in any way. Some of them have — or had — pets at one time.
A few did send cards or emails, and they were so appreciated. Their kindness will never be forgotten.
Mandy wasn’t sickly. She just stopped eating one day. When we took her to the vet a few days after trying everything we could think of, the diagnosis was kidney cancer. A couple of days later we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put her to sleep.
My question is, am I expecting too much of people? After all, you wouldn’t ignore the death of a human child.
I’m not only disappointed but resentful that these so-called friends and family don’t seem to care. I suppose to some Mandy was “just a cat.” But to us, she was our beloved furry child and we are devastated.
Please inform people that a kind word or short note would mean the world to people like us who are suffering real grief. — DEEPLY GRIEVING IN ILLINOIS
What a bunch of ASS*&%(S! I would suggest kidnapping their children, mailing them death threats, and then make a point of ignoring their pain when they tell you about it. It's for their own good, really.