Showing posts with label you can tune a piano but you can't kill your relatives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label you can tune a piano but you can't kill your relatives. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Is Divorce Unnecessary?
The LMM sends this, via email...
DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
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The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Just the tip of the iceberg
Yesterday I gave a couple of examples to illustrate the point that "owls are assh***s".
In the comments, the always impressive Simon Spero pointed out that owls are actually evil criminal masterminds.
Apparently, a barred owl killed a woman and framed her husband for murder!
I knew about the Michael Peterson case, even saw "The Staircase" but was unaware of (a) the owl theory and (b) that Peterson was out on bail awaiting a new trial.
Apparently non-institutionalized people are claiming that an owl attacked and (more or less) killed Kathleen Peterson, and then framed the husband.
Of course, it goes without saying that I am not making this up.
Dr. Alan van Norman wrote "The multiple wounds present suggest to me that an owl and Ms. Peterson somehow became entangled. Perhaps the owl got tangled in her hair or perhaps she grabbed the owl's foot."
Dr. Patrick T. Redig, a professor of veterinary medicine at the University of Minnesota wrote "In my professional opinion, the hypothesized attack to the face and back of the head resulting in the various punctures and lacerations visible in the autopsy photographs is entirely within the behavioral repertoire of large owls".
Kate P. Davis, executive director of Raptors of the Rockies, located in western Montana, wrote "The lacerations on Mrs. Peterson's scalp look very much like those made by a raptor's talons, especially if she had forcibly torn the bird from the back of her head," she wrote. "That would explain the feathers found in her hand and the many hairs pulled out by the root ball, broken or cut. The size and configuration of the lacerations could certainly indicate the feet of a Barred Owl." She noted that owls can kill species much larger than themselves and that it is not uncommon for them to attack people.
In the comments, the always impressive Simon Spero pointed out that owls are actually evil criminal masterminds.
Apparently, a barred owl killed a woman and framed her husband for murder!
I knew about the Michael Peterson case, even saw "The Staircase" but was unaware of (a) the owl theory and (b) that Peterson was out on bail awaiting a new trial.
Apparently non-institutionalized people are claiming that an owl attacked and (more or less) killed Kathleen Peterson, and then framed the husband.
Of course, it goes without saying that I am not making this up.
Dr. Alan van Norman wrote "The multiple wounds present suggest to me that an owl and Ms. Peterson somehow became entangled. Perhaps the owl got tangled in her hair or perhaps she grabbed the owl's foot."
Dr. Patrick T. Redig, a professor of veterinary medicine at the University of Minnesota wrote "In my professional opinion, the hypothesized attack to the face and back of the head resulting in the various punctures and lacerations visible in the autopsy photographs is entirely within the behavioral repertoire of large owls".
Kate P. Davis, executive director of Raptors of the Rockies, located in western Montana, wrote "The lacerations on Mrs. Peterson's scalp look very much like those made by a raptor's talons, especially if she had forcibly torn the bird from the back of her head," she wrote. "That would explain the feathers found in her hand and the many hairs pulled out by the root ball, broken or cut. The size and configuration of the lacerations could certainly indicate the feet of a Barred Owl." She noted that owls can kill species much larger than themselves and that it is not uncommon for them to attack people.
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