A Taste of Headline Heaven

My love of an excellent, self-contained headline is well-documented.  One advantage of this is that sharp-eyed KPC readers send in examples.

This one...oh, man, this one is excellent:

"Watch woman yell 'bear don’t eat my kayak' as bear eats kayak"

It's all there:  pathos, drama, action.  Lovely.

Thanks to Rob Hallford, who offered this analysis:  "My favorite part is when she screams that the kayak "doesn't even taste good." Like a) she's tried it and b) knows what tastes good to bears. In fact, seasoned with her tears, I bet it tasted pretty damn good. "

Keep 'em coming, folks. 

Update:  Loyal reader DD notes that the Gawker headline is also well done:  "Bear Politely Ignores Woman Yelling at Him to Stop Eating Kayak."

Headline Meme?

So, I do often post about my favorite kind of story, one where after reading the headline you don't really need to read the story itself.

The question is, is this one such story?

Wyoming Man Found with 30 Eyeballs in His Anal Cavity

I mean....maybe you don't need to read more.  Because you have the basic facts.  On the other hand, I think that most people would at that point want more information. 

Or less.  Thanks to JB for the find...

Headline Meme

Absence of beer causes man to be stabbed with ceramic squirrel by furious wife.

Presumably she had told him to buy the beer earlier, but he had put it off.  No jury is going to convict her; it was justified squirrelicide.

Um....how, exactly?

A most excellent example of the headline meme.

NSFW, and actually pretty disgusting.  My question, and no doubt your question also, is....how?  How did this work, exactly?  How did he beat off the police while he...well, you know.

Nod to Angry Alex

Can this be the greatest "Headline says it all" Headline ever?

Man banned from every supermarket in Britain for masturbating in Sainsbury’s meat aisle

That is all.

You are welcome.

 

Hat tip to Liz Mair.

 

 

Headline (NSFW)

As has been noted, I love the sort of headline that one enjoys reading for the sake of the unexpected connections it delivers.

Ideally, there is really no need to read the story at that point, because you pretty much have the picture.  Of course, you DO read the story, because it's fantastic.

This may be the best example of the genre I have ever seen.  It is NSFW, of course, but then it wouldn't be, would it?

With thanks to @muttface , from MuttBlog. 

Headlines That Tell the Story....

1.  TSA Agents Stop Chewbacca Actor Over Light Saber.  "Um, light sabers are not real weapons, they are special effects..."  "Hey, no way, fuzz boy.  I saw Luke's arm get cut off!  Get out of line."

2. Japanese teens are spreading pink eye by licking each other's eyeballs. 

3. FL deputy removes Doritos bag from deer's head

Headline Meme!

1.  Florida teen shots off own penis with gun he just bought.  Depending on whether he recovers, this is a Darwin award nominee.  Don't have to die, just to render self unable to reproduce by being an idiot.

2.  Mom has son arrested for stealing her Pop-Tarts.  Nice.

With thanks to Sid-Bro and the LMM.

Headline Meme: Retires the Trophy

Man dies after having sex with hornet's nest.

8 words of perfection.  There's really nothing more to say.

With much gratitude and love for Tommy the Tenured Brit, who notes that, after reading this, his own little fetishes seem quite normal.

Headline Meme

Headline that pretty much says it all:

Naked women cause traffic jam in Charlotte.

I bet so.  Nod to the LMM.

The Apotheosis of the Headline-Says-It-All Meme

I like headlines that just say it all.  This one is the best ever:

"Serial Masturbator to Represent Self In Court"

Too easy to make jokes about.  As M.K., who sent the link, notes, something about "blind justice" is the way to go.

Headline Meme: A variant on "Links" post

As I said, I do enjoy the meme of "Stories where the headline says it all, and yet you still want to read."

Some examples:

1.  "Oral sex 'assassination plot': Woman accused of putting poison in her privates in bid to kill husband."

2.  Seattle Gun BuyBack Gets JACKED! Turns Into a Damn Gun Show!

3.  NY dad forgets baby in car for 8 hours on cold day

4.  Public school system's e-mail sends parents to sex site