1. No the bread is not a half meter in diameter.
2. That pink bit on the left is called "bacon" (really).
3. Scottish hens are so Scottish that they only lay eggs that big.
Here's the manager of the establishment that served up this monstrosity:
“Everyone was given appropriate training so we make sure that it’s according to our standards"
Weel dain, lads. Weel dain.
