Sunday, February 13, 2005

Kill Something and Eat It....March 15

At the Mungowitz house, we snack high on the food chain. I don't know if God gave man dominion over the beasts of the field, but She certainly gave me an ATM card and big-ass cart to drive along the Kroger meat aisle. That may be even better than dominion.

A lot of the beasts of the field, and the forest, and the oceans, and the air.... they all smack my plate, and they are soon sacrificed to my enjoyment. And nutrition. Meat is GOOD for you, and the reason it tastes good is that thousands and thousands of years of evolution have selected for taste buds that are pleasurably stimulated by the taste and texture of meat. No other way to get that many calories, AND that much iron and protein, so quickly. MMMMmmmm...burgers.

Kgrease has a lot of friends who are vegetarians, and they have my greatest respect. They are (for the most part; Andy Rutten is an exception) healthier than I am. They make a choice, and they stick to it, and they don't say a thing to me when I get 120 ounce Porterhouse. (Yes, the big-ass cart full of meat leads to my big-ass ass). 240 pounds of pro wrestling GIIIIRTHYness.

I support vegetarians, and make sure I only suggest restaurants with good vegetarian alternatives, and at my house I serve vegetarian dishes. My wife is mostly a vegetarian, though she eats chicken now and then.

This is how MOST big problems should be handled, in my opinion. Abortion: clear example. I think abortion is dead wrong, a sin, a terrible mistake, a psychological blot that the woman can never wash away. I also think that that is my opinion, and I should keep it to myself. You ask me, I'll tell you: Abortion is wrong, don't do it. But if you don't ask, you'll never hear a peep. And I certainly wouldn't use the coercive powers of the state to FORCE you or your partner to bear a child that isn't wanted.

But...no. The folks at PETA have long plowed the "meat is murder" furrow. Then, two years ago...it's a Holocaust. (Coturnix and I don't agree on much, but we are pretty much on the same PETA-page). (And, as Coturnix points out, there are very legit concerns about cruelty to animals. SPCA is the answer...)

So: strike back. The suggestion is that we make March 15 INTERNATIONAL EAT AN ANIMAL FOR PETA day. If you want to see the proposed language for a letter to the PETAnians, check it out. (Yes, this is two years old, but LET'S REVIVE THE HOLIDAY!)

Check THIS out. Irony is dead.

Here's the thing: It's fun to think that the PETArians are just cute whack-jobs, with funny, radical views. That's not true. They are fascists, dangerous lunatics, and terrorists. They attack humans to "save" animals, even though in many cases those animals exist only because humans care for them. Yes, in order eventually to eat them, or use them in labs, but the only reason the animals exist is because we want them to.

And, on March 15, let's each reduce that animal population by one. I have tried to train my sons to be responsible carnivores. They don't just eat meat; they are happy to help kill the animal.

As I read this, I realize that a lot of vegetarians are going to be offended. I am a little sorry about that, because you are for the most part good people, seriously committed to doing the right thing as you see it. But if you are reading some cheesy blog looking for reasons to be offended, you may want to get a life. I hear WalMart is having a sale on lifes, cheap. (Wait, you probably don't go to WalMart, either. Damn!)

(nod to Anti-C, though he is surely blameless for provoking this outburst)

6 comments:

coturnix said...

I will most definitely eat meat on March 15. Perhaps I'll have some game instead of domesticated stuff. Thanks for the heads-up on the Holiday!

Anonymous said...

you spelled lives wrong.

mungowits said...

No, I didn't "spell lives wrong."

Each person gets one life.

The plural of the singular "life" is "lifes".

'Cause I said so, that's why.

The Dread Pirate Gryphon said...

"you spelled lives wrong"

Wow. Irony really IS dead.

coturnix said...

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coturnix said...

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