Le Petite Mort, and a Special Hat
So, I was following up the Nutty Buddy, to see if anyone had posted interesting comments on other blogs.
There was a great thread, on Wonkette, from her codependent friend Teaser Mare. Fair enough: I refer you to the thread.
But, then I got to wondering what a "Teaser Mare" was.
Well, funny I should ask. This link will no doubt not be news to anyone intimately involved (and I mean that) in the horse breeding business.
BUT GODFREY FREAKIN' DANIELS! WHAT THE HELL?
Tried to pick my favorite parts of what is after all quite a short page. But there are so many things that stand out (sorry). A top six list of my favorite excerpts:
Number 6: "Certain combinations of tranquilizers have been used to induce ejaculation from stallions." Really? That combination of tranquilizers would be of interest to me. Does anyone have the recipe? Though, the tranquilizers may be unnecessary if sleep can be achieved naturally (see #1, below).
Number 5: The idea of a teaser mare, just the very idea. A hot chick you get to nuzzle, before going out with her wooden sister. Teaser mares are equine "fluffers." If you want more information about fluffers, then here. Sicko.
Number 4: "Stallion semen often contains a large volume of gel"...So Cameron Diaz doesn't look so stupid now, does she? Just ahead of her time.
Number 3: "The images below show a typical series of events in collecting semen from a stallion. Note that all the involved people are wearing helmets." Wow. Just....wow.
Number 2: "Use of an artificial vagina is far and away the most common method for collecting semen from stallions. The AV used with stallions is similar to that used for species such as bulls, except larger. [EXCEPT LARGER!!! REALLY??] The image below shows a popular design of a stallion AV (disassembled). Due to the large ejaculate volume, a collection bottle is used instead of a tube. The blue cone next to the AV is not a special hat worn by the semen colletor; rather it is an insulating cone that is placed over the end of the AV to shield the semen collection bottle from thermal shock." It would be SO much better if it were a special hat. Of course, he'd have to wear it under his HELMET.
Number 1: The stallion, having completed the nasty, TAKES A NAP ON TOP OF THE FAKE MARE! I've been there, bro; I've been there. The web page says he's "resting." Like hell; he's passed out. Le petite mort, stallion style. Now that I think of it, though, that's a real advantage to the whole wooden girlfriend thing: after a couple of minutes, real women start smacking you in the head and yelling at you to get off...