University life in this year of the Tucks Medicated Pad (i.e. 2014)

Two actual emails that I received today from actual administrators at my university. People, I know I have a sweet gig and shouldn't complain, but these are pretty amazing.

The first was to inform faculty of "University Policy Regarding Search Warrants" (I am not making this up). We were instructed to ask for a copy of the warrant, inform law enforcement that the University is "represented by Counsel" and then call the University counsel and then provide the Office of the Counsel with a copy of the warrant and any other "supporting materials".

This memo comes with zero context, background, rationale or anything, just boom. I wonder how many employee or consultant hours and dollars went into crafting this piece of shit?



The second relates to the fake "shots fired" emergency we had last week. It informed us that in light of "last week's incident" we need to be made aware of what "shelter in place" means.

Turns out it means lock the door, cover the windows, turn out the lights, silence electronic devices, and remain quiet and "vigilant". That would have made for a great job seminar if we had all hid quietly together underneath our conference table for an hour because some Architecture professors can't tell the difference between a backhoe and an AK-47!

I would say that in the light of last week's "incident" all faculty should be required to put in say, 10 hours at a shooting range in order for them to become more familiar with what gunfire actually sounds like, so that their false alarms don't lock up the rest of the campus and put us all under tables in the dark.