Messes Are Unnecess(ary)

I come home from work. The younger younger Munger has been home for a couple of hours. It appears he tried to make macaroni and cheese, and burned a full box of elbow macaroni (think about that, given how one cooks macaroni). The kitchen is a mess, and there are empty soda cans and frozen food boxes all around the microwave.

The floor is covered with dirty clothes and wet towels, in a stream from the bathroom going up the stairs toward the rooms of both the elder younger Munger and the younger younger Munger.

The yyM walks in, with four friends. They look at the mess, and look at me, and start to laugh. I can't really yell at Brian, in front of his friends. I do make him pick up the clothes and towels, throw away the trash, and generally do the things necessary to keep the EPA away.

And, then, I do the offensive tactics. Brian is probably sure I am going to do this, because none of his friends come down for over an hour. But I can wait. I have all the time in the world.

Finally, I hear footsteps on the stairs. A kid I don't even know is coming down to use the bathroom, and get a soda from the drink fridge outside.

And I am ready. I recommend this to other parents, as the counteroffensive measures necessary to get your kid's attention.

Step 1: remove your shirt. (This is not recommended for moms, as it will make the occasion a little TOO memorable for teenage boys. And if you are an in-shape guy, it won't make much of an impression. But if you are a pudge like me, it is a great start).

Step 2: Have "Conway Twitty's All-Stars: Country's Greatest Hits!" (1982) cranking on "repeat" on the CD player. Have the speakers up loud.

Step 3: While doing the dishes, dance. I mean, shake your money-maker hard. They will pay you to stop shaking it.

Step 4: Sing along, loudly, to the song that is playing. Get the words, or the tune (but not both), slightly wrong. It is important that you appear to KNOW the song.

Step 5: When the kid stops at the doorway, in horror, turn to him and say: "Hey! How are you? This is {insert your kid's name}'s favorite album!"

The kid went straight back up, to report. In about no seconds, the yyM comes running down stairs. "Dad!"

I look at him. "You know why I'm doing this..."

He shakes his head, and goes back up. Now, one can argue that, since I have done this before and the offense still occurs, it is not effective. But it is more fun than yelling, and in this case the sympathy your child gets from his friends is really genuine.