Starbucks Performance Art
Sometimes, the urban performance artist just has to take a chance, and stuff happens that you simply could not plan.
I walk into the Starbucks. It could be anywhere. Male employees all have hipster facial hair but no obvious nonear piercings.
Order a large coffee (I refuse to say, "Venti Grando Fat Marlon Brando, or whatever froufrou name they use for large). Also a paper, for my daily dose of WaPo disinfo.
Barristo rings up $2.63, I hand him a five spot. So far, so good.
But then I hear a sharp intake of breath. The kid has rung up $10.00, with change of $7.37. (Extra credit: is this actually a problem? Hint: no)
Without thinking, I go for it. "Oh, god, now you've done it. Do you need to call the manager?"
Barristo: "No, I can't, I've already screwed up today. He'll fire me."
Me (not believing my good luck, and going for broke): "How about I give you a ten. Then you can give me the change correctly?"
Barristo: (ridiculously relieved) "Oh, could you? That would be great!"
Me (ignoring the ten in my wallet): "Gosh, I don't have a ten. Can I give you another five?"
Barristo: "Yes, that's perfect." Takes the five, puts it in the register, gets ready to give me the SAME FIVE back as part of the ten that I never gave him. Sensing a problem, he does what any other moron would do, and totally freezes up, staring at the register drawer.
Me (working a hunch): "Can you make sure and give me back the same five? That bill has been in my family for generations, and we really like it."
Barristo: (catatonic...so much information... HEAD....REALLY....HURTS ....finally, he whispers, I swear): "I'll have to ask the manager." Waves to manager.
Manager: "What's up?"
Me: "The bill was 2-something and I gave him a five but he rang up ten so he made me gave him another five but now I want that same five back and he won't give it to me."
Manager looks at Barristo, eyebrows raised.
Manager: Stares at register, then at money tray. Picks up five like it is a dead cockroach, gives it to me. (warmly) "Sorry for the wait, sir." (not so warmly) "(Barristo NAME), can we talk for a minute, in back?"
Kgrease..dedicated to bringing equilibrium to employment markets everywhere.