The following are actual quotes from the actual Sunday New York Times. The names have not been changed to shame the guilty:
A child care book I read as a new mother encouraged parents not to dread nighttime feedings, but to embrace them as another chance to nurture their babies. We should view the fiscal cliff the same way — not as a disaster to be avoided, but an opportunity to be embraced.
A quarter of those who voted in El Monte and a third of those who voted in Richmond would voluntarily impose new taxes on themselves to protect their children and themselves from sugar-sweetened beverages. I find that downright encouraging.
Bears cornerback Charles Tillman, with seven forced fumbles and two interception returns for touchdowns, will troll the backside of Chicago’s defense
I vote Romer as most tone deaf, Bitman as most delusional, and Battista as most unintentionally hilarious.
"Trolling the backside of Chicago's defense"?
"Hey Erlacher, my grandma has better glutes than that!"
God I hope this paper never folds, what else would I do on a Sunday morning?