Friday, September 19, 2014

Got mashed potatoes: Florida or Ohio edition

OK people, here's the story of a "glass half empty" kind of guy. Your mission, as always, is to discern whether he's from Florida or Ohio.


A 60-year-old .... man is charged with calling 911 eight times in two hours to complain that he had food but no refrigerator.


Would a picture help?




Here's the source code.


Thursday, September 18, 2014

This week's sign of the Apocalypse

I wear a colander on my head because........

freedom!?!?!??






Shawna Hammond says she did it to make a statement. Under Oklahoma laws, your driver's license picture cannot have shadows and your face cannot be obscured. The colander met the requirements.
Hammond is an atheist, but she told the department of motor vehicles that she is a "pastafarian." She says she believes no one should be forced into religious beliefs.

"For me the colander represents freedom, our freedom of religion and to whatever religion we prefer or even lack of religion," she said.

More here.

People, if crap like this can happen, why do we even have an official State Religion at all??

Hat tip to E.






Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Florida or Ohio?

Here's the event:


Police called over Hot Pockets dispute


Your task is to decide in which of the two great states mentioned in the title, this epic adventure occurred (no googling)!

Answer is here.


The article is so unsatisfying to me. What was the nature of the dispute? Was one individual trying to force another to eat a hot pocket? Was it a two girls, one hot pocket situation? Was someone trying to shoplift a hot pocket?

I need more info, please.


Hat tip to DC




Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Let my people go!

All over the interwebs, people are up in arms about Scottish independence, including a particularly hot take from LeBron this morning:

I wonder what all these people think of American independence?

Irish independence?

Indian independence?

Here is a good rule of thumb. England is a sphincter country. If you get a chance, run, don't walk, away.



Monday, September 15, 2014

Monday's Child

1.  And his dog is named "Dog," I bet.

2.  Either the Millenials are weird, or I am.  Don't think we should rule out "B."

3.  Dread Pirate sunk by CAPTCHA.  Garrrrrrr......

4.  When does body hair become body art?  My answer would have been "Ewww!  Never!"  And as usual, I would have been wrong.

5.  Standardized tests can fix this?  Meaning, this?

6.  "What were you THINKING?....This is EXASPERATING!"

 7.  A guide:  "How to be Bill Murray."

8.  A brush with selfies....

9.  It takes a mentor.  As in, "Hey Mikie, He's so fine, talks to B**** All the Time!"

10.  Painfully cute.  And "you have to be demented to get married, anyway!"

11.  Why would you want a car?  You could have a full-time limo on demand, for $1m.

12.  I'm going to guess:  alcohol was involved.

13.  "Police saw a dreadlock sticking out of the dryer door."

14.  A small class is one that most students are not in.

15.  Sounds like a really, really bad reality show:  Grover Norquist goes to Burning Man.

16.  I am a bad person.  My evidence is that I find this amusing.   Or, at a minimum, interesting.  Is he serious, or trying to build (as he says) an on-line persona?  Case in point:  Is he trying to be clever?  Original?  Or can he really not spell "Cereberus"?  If Cereburus is his unique on-line persona...then here that is.

17.  The single oddest thing I have learned about animals since....since...well, since this. The very last fact is...wow.

18.  So, it is a 100-foot-long brat, or 200?  There is some confusion. Article title says 100.  But the bread is 200.  I want to know, now.

19.  Apparently, being an idiot is exhausting.

20.  Repel borders!

21.  Another year, another remarkably botched hurricane prediction.  No named storms.  The prediction was 8 to 13 named storms.  Unless there are more.  Or fewer.  Makes economists look like good forecasters.

22.  Asian Black Burger.  It may be good.  It does not look good.  Just looks too burnt. Although I have to suggest that if this panda would eat "Black Burgers" instead of bamboo, it might be easier on her teeth.

23.  A lesbian woman and a woman with a freakishly outsized behind conduct a battle to see who knows more words for "bottom" following a video in which a man compares his manly parts to an anaconda.  Not for the faint of heart.  Neither is this.  Ellen does her best to respond.

24.  We kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger.  So I guess this dinosaur-hippo would have made it past the velvet ropes.

25.  The pup would prefer NOT to leave, thank you.

26.  All about that bass.  When I saw this in print, I actually that it was about fishing.   Why is it okay for women to be so obsessed about bottoms, but if *I* look at one it's all bad?

27.  If this can happen, why do we even have a state in the first place?  Indignities piled on top of offenses against nature.

Headline:  Mysterious Men Dropping From Helicopters...