Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Mystery solved....

So, here's the solution to the mystery of the broken window. The things I know are in roman type. The things I suspect are in italics.

1. My wife and I went to a play. My son Kevin decides he is interested in having some foods he hasn't had before. He goes to Lowe's foods, a grocery we don't frequent, and buys fancy Spanish olives, a can of coconut chunks, and some cucumbers.

2. He gets home, and opens the olives. Has some. He chops some, first with a small knife, and then with a large cleaver. He makes samurai noises as he chops: "HIIIII-YAHHHH!" "WHAAAAAAA-HOWWW-AAH!" Olive offal flies, but he cleans it up.

3. The cucumbers. He chops the cucumbers with the cleaver; quite satisfying. Then he remembers we have a 30 inch machete in the garage. He gets the machete, and goes outside. He chops off the head of a cucumber. By this time he has switched to pirate noises: "GAR! Avast, there, ye cuke-lubber! Ye won't again see the light o'day!" Comes back in the house, another cucumber gets the plank.

4. He looks at the can of coconuts. He looks at the machete. He tastes the coconut, decides he doesn't like it. He looks at the machete, again. Now, the canned coconut is in a can much like a half-pint paint can: very sturdy. But the machete is nearly 3 feet long, and pretty sharp.

5. He goes outside, places the can of coconut on the ground, and winds up.

6. Making a loud samurai sound (back to samurai: "AH-HOOO-WHAAAH-HAI!"), he takes a full right-handed baseball swing at the can. The machete cuts the can slightly, and dents it a little more. A small amount of liquid, and a few pieces of chopped coconut, spill out in a splash pattern.

7. But mostly, the machete launches the can like a well-hit baseball. It strikes the window hard, still rising. The sharp edge of the can cuts a chip into the wood.
A fair amount of the liquid, and the cubed coconut, spill out of the can onto the deck.

8. Kevin picks up the can, looks at the glass and thinks, "Oh, no!", and puts the can down deep in the garbage. He goes up to bed. He leaves the glass on the deck, and in the window frame. He doesn't clean up the coconut. He pretends to be asleep.

An addendum: Kevin asked me, "Why are you embarrassing me like this?"

My answer: Next time, Kev-o, pick up the glass. And clean up the coconut. If *I* clean it, I blog it.

DIRTY DAVEY: Where do you want your mug sent? The baseball-like action wins you the prize....


Anonymous said...

Color me crazy, but I think if that story is true, Kevin deserves some sort of prize for that move.......

Shawn said...

things that always fascinate me about random stories like this are along the lines of:

has anyone else EVER hit a can of coconut with a machete?

Angus said...

your boys are going to absolutely DESTROY the governor's mansion Mungowitz!!