Crime Pays: example # 10305

People, I give you the Ryan Braun (can his nickname really be the Hebrew Hammer? really?) guide to making it filthy rich in falling baseball.

1. Juice like a mother

2. Sign a lucrative contract extension based on your juiced performance

3. Serve your time right away when finally nailed so as to minimize your salary loss

4. Enjoy your $21 million a year for 5 years thereafter

All the other stuff, "betting his life" he never juiced, going after the poor sample collector, that was just for grins. Don't let it distract you from the master plan, which has worked to a T.

As I was man'splainin' this to Mrs. Angus, she asked me how in the world the Brew Crew would be obligated to make good on the extension when the HH was caught juicing.

Good question.

I guess that "caught juicing" is not part of the morals clause of MLB contracts.

But it should be.

Can we at least put Lil Ryan's 2011 MVP award in a closet somewhere with Reggie Bush's Heisman?