Thursday, May 24, 2007

Kumar Goes to Bojangles

I don't want to press the "Bad Day" meme TOO far.

But my good friend Kesav Kuppa M. sent me his own version. Two pieces of background.
1. Kesav is a principal in the shopping website/search engine "How to be Websmart." Most important is the search tool Ultimate Pricechecker. Use it, shop it, love it. I am totally addicted.
2. Kesav's family comes from India, but he is a native of the subcontinent of New Jersey. He wears blue contacts, has strong views against virginity (hoping someday soon to lose his own) and is assumed by all southerners he meets to be Mexican. He's at Duke Law School, and no one knows why. Including Kesav. Kesav's bad day:

As I sit here laughing, I thought I would share my misfortune with those who I have shared misfortune all year. The incredible series of events which have happened to me this past week border on the absurd, and if Dante wrote the Comedy, I threaten to write the comedy 2: updated for modern times. To put this all into perspective, it is 5:23 pm when I write this email.

While any one of these events would be sad in its singularity, in their totality they beget only laughter. So here's the story. I hope your summer is going better than this.

1. On the day to drive home, my alarm doesn't go off. So I wake up late. Nice.

2. I burst out the door ready to seize the day. It's drizzling. Better.

3. I start driving my car with all of the weight in the back. It drives like a turtle. It takes me about 30 seconds to get it up to 15 miles an hour. At this rate, I suspect I will be home some time in August.

4. Car speeds up. Oops. I forgot breakfast. And to use the facilities. I stop at Bojangles.

5. Bad idea. What should have been a 5 minute stop becomes 30 minutes, at least. Between coffee and a biscuit and egg with sausages and the fact that the nearest piece of literature is the word bojangles on my napkin, this is not a happy time.
There is some sort of courtesy country music videos on the tv.

6. Get in the car. stomach growls. I think it's trying to digest the fat. Hurts, but I need to keep driving.

7. As the sun comes up, it starts getting hotter. A good time to turn on the air conditioning. I press the air conditioning button. Hot air comes out.

8. 40 minutes later - hot air is still coming out. Probably a better idea not to use it.

9. I push the "drop window down" button. The window ROTATES IN ITS SLOT - forward actually. Very geometric in its circular progression, but absolutely not the way a window is supposed to work. Ok. Windows out.

10. I push the sunroof button. sunroof is stuck. Ok, sunroof is out.

11. I push the "circulate air from the outside". It smells like rotten eggs. I consider taking my shirt off - but then I think, half naked blue eyed indian in a slow car going through west virginia. Shirt should stay on. I begin sweating.

12. Good thing I have easy pass. That way I can speed through tolls. Oh wait. the easy pass is not connected to my family's account. I have to stop an pay tolls.

13. Since I can't use the window, I have to actually open the drivers door and pay tolls.

14. 540 miles. It's a long drive. My bumper has come off the hinges, and is hanging off the back of the car.

15. I almost get pushed off the road by a truck, because I am in his blind spot. That is fun.

16. I get home. Awesome. Actually make it in good time.

17. My car needs to get serviced. So I need to unload my very adroitly packed car. Not awesome.

18. I get a new computer. Good. It's a sony vaio, and I am already in love. The chugger still sounds like a honda, but the new one is whisper silent. Beautiful. I use the pricechecker of course, and save some money online. I can't believe a laptop can be this silent.

19. Takes about 4 hours to transfer stuff over. Not good, but done. fall asleep.

19-2. Try to log on to my homes wireless network with my new computer. Have the 26 digit passkey and everything. The wireless network is so secure, even I can't get in on it. I end up stealing free wireless from our neighbors.

20. Casenote - not even close to done. At this rate...I don't know if it's worth doing. See farther.

21. thursday - Try to order contacts (regulate) online. My prescription is about 3 years too old. Not good. Need to get an appointment.

22. 830 am friday. At eye doctors. Turns out the duke insurance card - the one they say keep in your wallet - is not the one you are supposed to keep in your wallet for eye appointments. So I have to pay cash.

23. Get home. Dad calls - he had taken car this morning to the shop. Turns out that there are a lot more problems with the car than they thought. They are going to need to keep it overnight. So with the eye drops still in my eyes, I pick him up and come home.

24. Lunch. Nap. I'm exhausted.

25. Wake up. Dad is at computer. Apparently my car has something wrong with the rear suspension. To paraphrase "its a death trap for long distance driving" and would cost way too much to fix. Its ok for short distance driving.

I pause to think if 400 miles to milwaukee is short distance. Maybe if the relativity theory could be flipped.

26. Family decides - have to junk car. No car in milwaukee. I jump onto howtobewebsmart and rent a car to get up there.

27. Sister calls. She may be coming home for a job from Kuwait early, somewhere around August 3. That's exactly two days before I am booked to go to Kuwait.