One day a Scotsman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's never a ship. Too small." As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.
Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask, and zipping down the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
She walked up to the stunned Scotsman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"
"I've nod hae a smook in ten yahrs!" replied the amazed man.
With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.
He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Help ma boab!" said the castaway. "Och, that is verra goot! I'd forgotten how gra' a smook ken beh!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Scotch whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years, but Crivvens, I ken still take a goot bucket!"
Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.
He opened the flask and took a long drink. "Tis nectar o' the gods!" murmured the Scotsman. "Losh, 'tis truly fantastic!!"
At this point, the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Scot fell to his knees and sobbed ........."Michty me! Ken it really be ya hae golf clubs in there too!"
(With thanks to Shirley)