Monday, August 25, 2008

KPC exclusive: Biden's acceptance speech

As bloggers continue to erode the feeble MSM, KPC is proud to exclusively disclose this advance copy of Joe Biden's speech accepting the VEEP nod:

"Thank you very much. I am so pleased to be on a ticket with the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. But you know I started thinking as I was coming over here, why is it that Joe Biden is the first in his family ever to be nominated as VEEP? Is it because our fathers and mothers were not bright? Is it because I'm the first Biden in a thousand generations to get a college and a graduate degree that I was smarter than the rest? Actually it kind of is, because I am brilliant. In fact, I'd be delighted to sit down and compare my IQ to yours. I think I have a much higher IQ than you do. I'd like to take this opportunity to invite my running mate to come to Delaware and campaign with me. He'll need to be careful though because in Delaware, the largest growth in population is Indian-Americans moving from India. You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking. By the way, what do you guys think about my running mate? Is he ready? I think he can be ready but right now, I don't believe he is. The presidency is not something that lends itself to on-the-job training.
Come to think of it, our opponent is much more ready. You know what? I would be honored to run with or against John McCain, because I think the country would be better off. In conclusion, I promise to leave no judge un-Borked, no policy space un-Czared, and to continue to promote my brilliant idea to partition Iraq. Always remember, Joe's right, Joe's right, Joe's right. After all, I didn't graduate in the top half of my law school class for nothing!

(sources for italicized material here, here, and here)


Shawn said...

all kinds of awesome.

Tom said...

Brilliant (by that I mean Angus, not Obama)

Barack is working hard to find a way to lose; it's difficult, but I think he's up to it.