From the comments on Mungowitz's WITBD post. I am too proud of myself to leave it there.
The lord is my barber, I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down to get shampooed. He restoreth my highlights.
Yea though I have male pattern baldness, I will fear no dandruff. For he is with me. His clippers and combs, they comfort me.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will get free haircuts forever.