An alert, but anonymous, reader sends in a delightful revelation!
The University of Oklahoma (The Angusian crib!) has a helpful website designed to make it easier for people to get to know police on the "beat." I have always thought "beat cops" was redundant, but that is their metaphor.
Still talking may not be enough: What if you need actually to ARREST yourself? As the site notes, it would save tax dollars.
Well, the OU information people are up to the job: Here is your citizen's self-arrest form. Ideally, you would put on handcuffs, on yourself, and wait for a big sweaty campus policeman to come "beat" you with a nightstick. In New Orleans, that will cost you an extra $100, but in Norman, you can get it for FREE.
That is one progressive place!
(Also, check this picture of the "chief": note the halo effect, a kind of medieval saint thing).
(Yes, I understand this may precipitate attacks on Durham. But these days, that is almost too easy)