Top Ten Most Interesting or Perversely Damaged People of 2008
10. Eliot Spitzer. We didn’t catch Osama Bin Laden, but we caught Eliot Spitzer with a prostitute. This pleased me a lot, I have to admit. (Whenever we were watching the news, and a Spitzer-n-da-ho story would come up, my wife would look at me and mouth, "LO--REE--NA BOB--BITT!")
9. Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer. Two guys who did the Bigfoot hoax. Claimed they had DNA and everything. Sold to Tom Biscardi, but it was just a gorilla suit frozen in a block of ice. Biscardi must be one of those people who bought into Bernie Madoff’s investment schemes.
8. Dmitry Medvedev. Current President of Russia, clearly a puppet for Vladimir Putin (who looks better with their shirts off?). Medvedev just signed a new law that makes the NEXT Pres of Russia be able to serve a six year term, not a four term, and in fact next guy can serve TWO of them, 12 years. There is some chance that Medvedev will resign in the next six months. Something like that could never happen here…unless President’s daughter Caroline Kennedy is elected Senator from New York, a state where she has never lived, following President’s wife Hillary Clinton, in a state where SHE had never lived. Okay, never mind. Vlad, go ahead.
7. Harry Reid, Dem and Senate Maj Leader. Very nearly a veto proof majority, quite possibly with Stuart Smalley ("I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.) Now, this is not because Harry Reid is anything special; quite the contrary. But because of the events of 2008, Harry Reid is now the Majority Leader for a Senate with 59 Democrats.
6. Michael Phelps. Remarkable athlete, seemed able to do just well enough to win, even in races he should have lost. Born and raised in Baltimore, Phelps worked hard and made the best use of his very long arms and torso. Nearly $10 million in endorsement income already.
5. Rod Blagojevich (made Sarah Palin look positively level-headed and sane!)
4. Sarah Palin: Burst on the scene already a legend. (Tina Fey's spot on imitation was remarkable). The Wasilla whirlwind.
3. Bernie Madoff / Barney Frank. Madoff with $50 billion. We didn’t catch him, we did catch Eliot Spitzer….Barney: On-line rights (partnered with Ron Paul), free speech, medical marijuana.
2. Ron Paul / Joe the Plumber: Ron Paul ran for President as a Republican, and made quite a good showing. And the small government wing of the Republican party can sure use the support. Joe the Plumber? Plumbed the depths of “I hate everything,” by writing a fatuous tell-all book, Fighting for the American Dream. Said that he “Felt more dirty after the campaign,” because of the untruths and sheer contumacity of the McCainiacs. On the other hand, Joe the (not licensed) plumber did get Obama to say, “Things work better when we spread the wealth around.” This did reveal something about Obama that many suspected.
1. Barack Obama: One of the truly unique figures in American political history. So far, his economic team is great, his foreign policy team is great… But is he even interested in those things? Is the reason he picked good people is that he wants to work on....(pregnant pause)....OTHER THINGS?