Which of these stories might be the Onion? Click the (LINK) at the end of each "story" to find out if it's real...
1. "Lots" of clergymen apparently pretend to be ex-Navy Seals, as an "ego-booster." Don Shipley, a retired SEAL who maintains a database of all former SEALs, got many to admit that they lied. "We deal with these guys all the time, especially the clergy," Shipley says. "It’s amazing how many of the clergy are involved in those lies to build that flock up." (LINK)
2. The federal government is going to require credit card companies to deny cards to women who stay home. "In explaining why this is O.K., the Fed said it believed 'married women who do not work outside the home' will still have access to credit because they can apply for joint accounts with their husbands, or become authorized users on their husband’s accounts. The board did concede that applying jointly might be 'inconvenient or impracticable' in some situations, like applying for on-the-spot credit at a retail store." Presumably if the ladies ask real nice, or else trade sex for use of the card, it will all work out. (LINK)
3. The President of the United States and a top general appear to have communicated with each other in a way that would be hard for terrorists to recognize or intercept, in the period just before the attack on Bin Laden's compound in Abbotabad. Bloggers the world over are shocked that the President did not use a public means of communication, perhaps a billboard or a Twitter account, to give orders about the dangerous mission. "If the President can communicate with top military officers in secret, how will I blog about it?" wrote one fat guy typing on a Macbook Pro in his pajamas* in the basement of his mom's house late Monday afternoon. (LINK)
(*How the Macbook Pro got into his pajamas we'll never know...)
(Nod to Anonyman and the Blonde)