"Owls are evil and haunted. If you have one, kill it with fire."
"I know the two of you are convinced that the Fischer Price Ocean Wonders Turtle Nightlight thing is some kind of proverbial night watchman, but I assure you if an owl tried to collect my eyes at 10PM, that $50 construction would prevent nothing."
"Owls are like the Twizzlers of woodland creatures. People pretend to like them but at the end of the day everyone's upset and asking why."