G-Bike Found?

You may recall the G-Bike.  It was a German girl's bike (actually, a German bike that happened to be set up for a girl.  I did NOT take a bike from a German girl).  Story and pictures here.  Last I knew of the G-Bike, it was stolen, in Erlangen. Stolen by the police.  Because I left it in a "no bikes" zone where there dozens of other bikes.  Okay, maybe not stolen, exactly.


Anyway, Tommy the Tenured Brit wonders if perhaps it has been found.  With John Kerry riding it.  And TtTB may be right.  But they took off the pirate flag, in that case.

Ah, Fickleness, Thy Name Is Germany

So, back in 2007-9, think back (especially when Prez O won the Nobel Peace Prize.  Don't forget, BHO won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples.")  They lined up to hear his genius, even before he was elected. 

The Germans loved the guy.  He gave great speeches, got 'em all riled up and ready to go fight somebody.  You'd think the Germans would have recognized that the whole "gives great speeches, gets us all riled up, makes us want to go fight somebody" thing is actually NOT the sort of leader they should admire, given their history.  But maybe it's just a cultural thing I don't understand.  That BHO-flavored Kool-Aid never tasted that great to me.

Anyway, now the Germans are hatin' on BHO, and seem to believe that they were the ones who invented the criticism.  The fact that anyone paying attention, even if you were once a supporter, has been criticizing BHO for at least three years has escaped German attention.  The indignation is impressive.  The only reason you should be indignant is that you actually once believed BHO's crap.  Why would you do that?

In any case, welcome (though belatedly) to the side of truth and justice, my German friends!  I'll get on my knees and pray, you don't get fooled again.  Just watch the Daily Show.  And be "happy."



 Nod to the LMM for the Daily Show clip!

Not the Onion?

I really thought this had to be a hoax.  A tribe of sanctimonious Germans who believe that their unwillingness to behave responsibly creates obligations for others to take care of them.  Okay, wait, that is basically ALL Greeks, I understand.

But in this case it's Germans, and it's literally true.  These folks say they are "on strike."  From consuming.

The cool part is that they do in fact consume.  They are just "on strike" when it comes to paying for what they consume.

Oh, and while they refuse to WORK, they are happy to take--and USE--the "free" money that the government gives to them.

There's more!  Please do share your favorite quote, GG style.

with a grateful nod to Tal, who sent it to  J.C.  J.C. thought I would like it.  I like it.

The Culture that is Germany: "Why he threw a puppy at the Hell's Angels isn't clear"

In our "Not the Onion" tradition, a little story of a young man who had a bad day.  I submit that the sentence underlined below is the single greatest sentence has appeared in a new story since...ever.


A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

The man drove up to a Hell's Angels clubhouse near Munich, wearing only a pair of shorts and carrying a puppy.  He dropped his shorts and threw the dog at the Hell's Angels, escaping on a bulldozer from a nearby building site.

He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication.

After making his getaway on the bulldozer, he had driven so slowly that a 5km tailback built up behind him on the motorway.  After driving about 1km, he had abandoned the bulldozer in the middle of the motorway, near Allershausen. He continued his journey by hitchhiking.

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear,"  a police spokesman said.  The puppy is now being cared for in an animal shelter.

To be fair, this does give some credence to the German practice of gun control. If psychopaths are reduced to throwing puppies instead of spraying lead...maybe a good thing.  Still, when puppies are outlawed only outlaws will have puppies.

This is Pretty Disgusting

So, this triumphalist video.  It's more than a little disgusting.  Why exactly do we need to do this?



Note the map: These two bases are very close to the border...of the freakin' CZECH REPUBLIC! Those vicious Czech hordes may pour over the border in the soft underbelly of Bavaria any moment.

Close the bases.  Now.  Bring all the troops, and their mighty Strker vehicles, home.  From Germany, Japan, and a dozen other places.

When I was in Bavaria in 2009, I asked quite a few people if they thought it was time the American occupying army left.  They said no.  Because the "benefits" of these military bases were so large.

Let the Germans have their own army to defend against the Czechs.  They can afford to write all those "checks" to EU countries.  WTF is the US doing in Germany?

Thanks to Mr. Fox.
 

German Miracle From No Copyrights?

Was Germany's phenomenal growth partly caused by an absence of copyrights and patents?

Der Spiegel thinks so.

I'd paste it here, but it's copyrighted!

Links

1.  Women who really like politics have more frequent....um, fun.

2.  The US should bury its power lines.  Because Germany does.  (David Frum is an idiot, in other words.  Germany has a population density of 600 per square mile.  The US has a population density of 83 per square mile.  Even the state of Virginia, where Mr. Frum is whining about missing his AC, has only a pop density of 196 per square mile.  It's just not economical, not even close to it...)

3.  Election determined by...100 million year old coastline, and geology of soil.  Closer to the Annales school, which is little known in US outside of history depts.

4.  In Korea:  Fan Death.  Yes, really.

5.  If Assange should be prosecuted for espionage, then the NYTimes should be, also.

This Year's English Gift to German

The word is "Sh*tstorm"

There was a prize.

If Michael Lewis was not totally off base, I'm surprised this concept was not already firmly embedded in the German consciousness.

Nod to frequent commenter Tom.

Germany: Sorry, I gave at the State

The US is the number 1 most charitable nation in the world.

Germans like to see themselves as "giving," but of course when it comes to voluntary giving they actually suck. In fact, most of Europe "gives" by taking money from people at gunpoint. That would be "stealing," friends.

Germany is #26.

Of course, I suppose Germany could claim they gave at the Euro. Still, strong evidence that Tocqueville was right, and state action crowds out private initiative and personal moral responsibility. So, for all my German friends who jabber about how generous Germans are and how stingy American are... how do you like us now?

der Dukatenscheisser, and other things

We often comment, here at KPC, about two things:

1. The strangeness that is Deutschland
2. Poop

It turns out that one of the strange things about Germany is the many linguistic uses Germans have for poop.

And if you don't believe, here's the straight poop on it.

Published in 1984 by a distinguished anthropologist named Alan Dundes, Life Is Like a Chicken Coop Ladder set out to describe the German character through the stories that ordinary Germans liked to tell one another. Dundes specialized in folklore, and in German folklore, as he put it, “one finds an inordinate number of texts concerned with anality. Scheisse (shit), Dreck (dirt), Mist (manure), Arsch (ass).… Folksongs, folktales, proverbs, riddles, folk speech—all attest to the Germans’ longstanding special interest in this area of human activity.”

He then proceeded to pile up a shockingly high stack of evidence to support his theory. There’s a popular German folk character called der Dukatenscheisser (“The Money Shitter”), who is commonly depicted crapping coins from his rear end. Europe’s only museum devoted exclusively to toilets was built in Munich. The German word for “shit” performs a vast number of bizarre linguistic duties—for instance, a common German term of endearment was once “my little shit bag.” The first thing Gutenberg sought to publish, after the Bible, was a laxative timetable he called a “Purgation-Calendar.” Then there are the astonishing number of anal German folk sayings: “As the fish lives in water, so does the shit stick to the asshole!,” to select but one of the seemingly endless examples.

That one about the fish is my new favorite saying. Anytime somebody complains about anything in a faculty meeting, they are going to hear that one. Inspired.

Nod to Anonyman; I bet you knew that, without looking. Anonyman has his sh*t together.

Ho Tax

Tax meter for street walkers, or street standers, in Germany.

As Anonyman said, "the Germans are so organized."

Plus: consummation areas. Nice.

Madeline the prostitute explains how it all works.

"Outlandishly Subsidized" Is Not the Same as Cheap

There is an old claim that cookie crumbs have no calories. Furthermore, dessert bites a woman takes off her date's/husband's plate are not fattening. That's why so often women say, "I don't want any dessert," and then will eat more than half of yours. (Plus, I *pity* the fool man who doesn't order dessert. Your woman does not want to be the sort of woman who orders dessert, so you have to do it. Just STFU and order...)

Okay, that's funny and all. But the Germans think of solar power the same way. They have these enormous, utterly irrational subsidies for solar everything, and houses all over that dark, cloudy country have hugely expensive solar panels. (Interesting, and surprisingly harsh, story in Spiegel).

But they say "it's cheap!" because the cost is subsidized by a fictional entity called, "The State." It doesn't actually exist, and the cost is being picked up taxpayers, which of course are the very people touching themselves and squealing with joy at how "cheap" the subsidized solar panels are.

Germans: if you want dessert, just order it. Don't pick off taxpayers' plates.

(nod to the Blonde)

The culture that is Germany: Naturist Edition

The quantity theory of nudity may be holding in Germany. It appears that perhaps the same amount of skin is being shown by nude sunbathers; it's just been redistributed. Now there's a lot more skin on each of the much fewer naked bodies.

Or, as Reuters puts it, "Fatter & Fewer German Nudists as Numbers Dwindle"

Kurt Fisher, the head of the German Nudist Association, thinks he knows why the numbers are dwindling. Immigrants! Or more specifically, the wrong kind of immigrants:

""Germany is relying more and more on immigrants to keep the population steady. But many come from countries with strong religious beliefs." Immigrants who arrive from cultures where headscarves are common will not usually be interested in becoming naturists in Germany, he said."

Don't you just hate it when that happens?

Berg and a Mystery

So, I have written about being in Germany last month. Three belated pictures from the experience. First, our "Hotelchen" courtyard. Really, really beautiful.
Second, the YYM and a friend, at Berg. Coolness, with Maßkrüge.
Finally, the mystery. The famed G-bike was stolen in 2009. (If you want to watch the video, it can still be seen. Sad...) It had a pirate flag. No trace of the G-bike has ever been recovered...but the pirate flag has appeared in the Archiv. How? Who? Detective (defective?) Hajo is collecting photographic evidence.
Now, I do admit that the G-bike was actually stolen by the police. I have no idea why they would take it, except perhaps that it was parked in a way that was blatantly and obviously illegal, blocking a firelane. In any case, Hajo is still on the case, and if the culprit admits to the theft, in the bar or biergarten where Hajo happens to be at that moment anyway, Hajo will let us all know.

BFFs: du Process

Interesting talk at dinner the other night about friendship. What does it mean, how do you tell, and how do Germans and Americans differ in their understanding of the meaning, obligations, and limits of friendship.

Germans see Americans as superficial or even manipulative. We smile too much, we presume too much intimacy too fast. In German, there is a distinction between different forms of "you." I found this article, and also this one, if you are interested.

The money quote from the article:

The real problem isn't just grammar; it is also a matter of culture. An English-speaker is not used to making the distinction between the familiar and formal you (except in the similar "Mr. Brown" vs. "Bob" situation). German-speakers are very much aware of it and can become very uncomfortable when the du/Sie rules are broken. German-speakers tend to keep their distance longer with acquaintances than English-speakers do. German business colleagues who have worked together for years continue to address each other as Sie. It does not mean they are unfriendly, but they are maintaining the important German division between truly close friends and mere acquaintances.

This can manifest itself in ways that seem odd to the boundaries. As I wrote before, to an American, Franconia can seem like the land of state-sponsored autism.

But it is just as odd, or maybe more so, for Germans, and especially Franconians. If I said "Good Morning," in perfect German with a German accent, to someone on the street, they would stare in amazement. That is absolutely not done. "We have not been introduced!" would be the reaction. The circle of friends, real friends, for a German is generally smaller than the circle an American with precisely the same set of relationships might identify. But at the center of that circle the friendships seem deeper and with more reciprocal obligations for a German, especially German man.

Americans, on the other hand, can count their friends on Facebook. Where Americans might want many friends, Germans might want good friends.

There was a lot more, but that's the gist of it. I personally am more comfortable with being friendly, and the "superficial" criticism is not very persuasive. Why not be nice? It's more fun. Germans, at first, when they visit the American south assume that people are trying to get something, maybe even rob them, if a conversation is struck up. Americans don't need to be introduced. Germans also find it tough to tell where a friendship starts with an American, and I think they have a point here. Americans are a bit too intimate too fast, but then pull back. How can tell who is a friend, without "du" process?

A Not Bad At All Mexican Restaurant

T.G. is the man. He felt moved to defend the honor of Erlangen, after reading about the "Worst Mexican Restaurant in the World" incident.

So, we went to La Pasion. Here is the menu (PDF, a download).

It was just fine. First, the chips/dip. You may recall that in the WMRITW this was crackers with ketchup-with-tomatoes. At La Pasion, a perfectly eatable bottled salsa, nothing special, but actual salsa. The guacamole was fine, and they HAD guacamole, which was an improvement.

The food came with beans, canned jalapenos, and fiery little fresh chiles with stems. The quesadillas...well, check the menu. They had...pollo! At the WMRITW the very idea of pollo had been mocked by the waitress, who had insisted only puten (turkey) could be used in Mexican food. But La Pasion lists chicken, pollo, and hanchen, which makes sense for a multi-lingual menu.

And the beer was first rate. A very excellent hefeweisse. (To be fair, even the WMRITW had managed to get that right).

So, overall, a perfectly acceptable Mexican restaurant. Wouldn't survive in Los Angeles, perhaps, but they used ingredients and flavorings that strongly reminded one of Mexican food. One of our party said the food was what you might get if your mom cooked Mexican, but I think that's not right. This was what you might get at Applebees or some chain. In any case, thanks to T.G.! Erlangen's honor is restored. I liked the restaurant very much.

Goomsbah!

So, Erlangen is never like this, EXCEPT during Berg. Then your Bavarian getaway is exactly like this.

(No, I have no idea what this is about. Blame Martin)

Last night Berg was so crowded I literally could not move. And some really drunk guys were doing the "throw the shoulder and elbow" thing to try to start fights.

On the other hand, I also walked by "The Worst Mexican Restaurant in the World," with fond memories.

The admirable T.G. took us last night to a different Mexican restaurant. I have two posts later today about the experience. Stay tuned.

Tales From Berg I: Martin

So, frequent commenter and KPC BFF Martin and I had spent nearly 4 hours at a table at Berg, eating the chocolates that Der Geist (Scrounger forever) demanded I open and drinking mass biers (Maßkrüge). (By "mass biers" I don't mean many, or Spanish for more, I mean 1 liter bier glasses, which are different from bier goggles).

Anyway, Martin and I were walking back toward town from Berg, along the Haupstrasse, with 10,000 or so other merry folks. The atmosphere is a little charged, a lot inebriated.

Some moron decided he was going to drive. A car. On the Hauptsrasse. Now, it was so crowded, curb to curb, that you really couldn't walk. Drive a car? Really? Goofball in the car, and his passenger, are yelling, revving engine, squealing brakes, and going exactly the same speed as the people walking.

I got out of the way, but Martin (you have to know Martin; he is basically a psychological twin of Angus, if Angus were a German Socialist) not only didn't get out of the way but walked a little slower. Goofball in the car keeps revving/braking, finally actually touches Martin's leg with the car.

More happened then. I was watching Martin, who turned,gave an excellent wind up and released a nice high arching spit onto the car's windshield. I followed the trajectory, like a camera cut, to...pandemonium. The crowd was enraged that one of its own had been touched intentionally by a car. There were 2 or 3 guys with their legs sticking out of both front windows. They had dived (diven?) into the car, turned it off, put it in neutral, and were now beating the crap out of the occupants.

Martin and I walked on. Half a km later, we looked back, and the car was in exactly the same place, though by now the flashers were on. (Nice touch). Martin felt bad about the spitting (which I thought was fully called for). The beating... hard to say.

And der Geist ate all my damned chocolates. Scrounger.

All hail Frank Esser!

for managing to publish an article with the amazing title of "Nazis, Pollution, & No Sex" in the American Behavioral Scientist.

Kudos to you sir.

When You Read This, I'll Be in Munich

Get to Munich at 7:30 am on Tuesday, staying at the Conrad Hotel de Ville on Schillerstrasse, right by the Hauptbahnhoff.

Heading up to Erlangen on Thursday, giving several talks, and staying at the Hotelchen am Theater on Theaterstrasse.

Of course, it just HAPPENS to be time for ... Bergkirchweih!

Also "on tap" (forgive me): A return to the very worst Mexican restaurant in the world! The single most viewed page in KPC history, and the YYM and I are going to see if it has gotten even worse.