Thursday, January 22, 2009

Announcement: I am Withdrawing

Raleigh, NC
January 22, 2009

After considering my options, and talking with my advisers, I have decided to withdraw my name from consideration for the Senate seat vacated by Hillary Rodham Clinton in New York.

I don't make this decision lightly, but it is time to end the wild rumor-mungering by many news outlets.

Now, there are those who might say that the reason I am withdrawing is that Gov. Paterson was not going to appoint me anyway. This is nonsense, and typical of the unfounded speculation that has swirled around me in recent days. The fact is, I defy ANYONE to find even one shred of evidence that Gov. Paterson has EVER said, "I'm not going to appoint Mungowitz." I'm confident he has never said that.

And there are other people who have claimed that it was my inarticulate, confused, and downright weird public appearances that caused me to withdraw. But that is again nonsense: My private appearances have also been inarticulate, confused, and weird. Just ask my wife, or my blogging partner Angus. They will vouch for me, I'm sure.

Finally, there have been some allegations (and that's ALL they are) that it was at long last explained to me that, in order to be a Senator from NY, I would actually have to LIVE in NY. For those allegators, I have some names: Bobby Kennedy. Hillary Rodham Clinton. Not exactly New Yorkers. Please, the residency requirement is obviously a joke. The good people of the great state of New York are gracious enough to pimp their seats (if you will) to pretty much any Democratic hack who shows up at the door, and smart enough to realize that no one actually born in NY is bright enough to be senator. So those allegators can just shut up.

I expect to release future press statements as events require. I'm sure that the press will pay as much attention to those future statements as they will to this one.
Oh, and here is a photo-shopped picture of me with the flag, and the SoL. Because, let's face it, I am SoL. God bless America.


El General said...

Only if...

austin said...

This had me loling