So, I thought I was such a clever fellow.
Scheduling my "procedure" for Inauguration Day.
I should note, at the outset, that it has not snowed more than a piffle in Raleigh in the last three years.
Anyway, this snow (we have gotten 5" in my neighborhood since 3 am) was not predicted.
So...well, let me put it this way.
1. The drugs and compounds that are believed by physicians to be laxatives....They ARE, in fact, very effective.
2. I spent all of yesterday, shall we say, "preparing" myself for the colonoscopy. The goal being to make it possible to view the colon without anything, NOTHING AT ALL, in the way. That's how I know the truth of #1, above.
3. At 3 am today, it started snowing like crazy.
4. At 7 am, I called and cancelled the procedure, because there is no way I would have been able to leave the neighborhood. And if I had left, really really really no way I could have gotten back, since it snowed another 2.5" in the period 7 am -- noon.
5. So, I will have to go through the colonoscopy prep AGAIN, when the now rescheduled procedure comes around again the on the guitar.*
My wife claims this is bad karma. I should never have scheduled the procedure on inauguration day.
The nurses at the clinic, when they found out I had gone through the prep (see #1, above), were not really able to contain the hilarity that seized them. Ha, ha, indeed.
(*Yes, Arlo Guthrie alert)
7 comments:
Disgusting... yet i cant take my eyes off the screen.
When it comes to potty humor, those nurses go "all out".
Mungo, buy a Jeep. I did, and no amount of snow -- we get a lot where I am -- keeps me house-bound.
(Given your proclivity for the "Farm," I'd have thought you'd have one by now anyway...).
You have to understand: I am confident I could have made it.
But, the rule is that you have to have a "driver" for afterward. And, to be fair, the anesthetic does make you very woozy.
And my wife was not really willing to do the driving on the way back.
It was the return trip, or anticipation of it, that deterred me.
Dunno if it's the one they gave you, but one of the... products... that does... that thing is "GoLytely."
Which is a less accurate name than "GoMassivelyExplosivelyAndContinuously"
My name is Konstantin Monastyrsky. I am a medical writer and an expert in forensic nutrition. I recently released an investigative report entitled “Death By Colonoscopy” on YouTube and my website. This report is based entierly on mainstream medical research, and is fully referenced (http://www.gutsense.org/crc/crc_transcript.html)
I realize the title of my report sounds bizarre, but before you label me insane, consider the following well-established fact -- The Telemark Polyp Study demonstrated a 57% increase in mortality among patients screened for colon cancer vis-à-vis unscreened controls.
So before you decide to have a colonoscopy (or even if you have already had one), please watch my report and learn about the possible complications from my site. If you already have had a colonoscopy, and run into side effects, such as constipation, diarrhea, diverticulosis, and others, the site offers a very specific set of suggestions on addressing them.
Konstantin Monastyrsky, author of “Gut Sense: How To Reverse Bowel Diseases And Escape Colon Cancer."
www.GutSense.org
P.S. If you have any questions related to my report, feel free to contact me by e-mail via my site.
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