Saturday, March 05, 2011

Which is the Onion?

One, and ONLY one, of the following stories is from the Onion. The other two are actual "stories." That is, they were reported as true.

Try to guess before you click or mouse-over. See if you get it right: which one of these is the Onion?

1. New health study: staring at woman's breasts is excellent for heart health.

"Five-hundred men participated in the German study. Half were told to refrain from looking at breasts for five years, the other half were told to ogle them daily.

The study found the men who stared at breasts more often showed lower rates of heart problems, a lower resting heart rate and lower blood pressure.

The authors of the study recommend that men stare at breasts for 10 minutes a day."


2. Glad you are out of Libya. But what were you thinking?

State Department officials charged with evacuating nearly 200 Americans from Tripoli last week shepherded the U.S. citizens aboard a ferry, assessed their need for medical attention, and then asked them what the hell they were doing in Libya in the first place.

"We are pleased these Americans are now out of harm's way, but, really, why would anyone want to go to Libya?" a U.S. official told reporters, offering a list of more than 20 countries that are safer, more fun, and "just seem like more logical places to take a vacation" than the repressive North African country.


3. NC Zoo adopts "Snotty the Snot Otter" as their official mascot.

"It made sense when the organizers of a North Carolina festival suggested that the state zoo here adopt a mascot to promote clean rivers.

Except that the creature in question is the snot otter. Formally known as hellbenders, which is not much better from a public-relations standpoint, snot otters are giant, slimy salamanders that lurk under big rocks...

Already up and wriggling is the mascot, Snotty, a big-tailed lizard look-alike with brown skin, beady eyes and stubby teeth.

He made his debut—with mixed results—at the New River Celebration in Laurel Springs, N.C., this past summer.

"There was really just one kid that was kind of scared of me," says Ben Stanley, 20, a student at Randolph Community College here who helped create the Snotty costume and wore it at the festival. "Most of the kids were just running all around me; one actually tried to pull my finger off."
(Ed's Note: at the Munger house, the whole "pull my finger" thing is a bad idea)

(nod to Angry Alex)

(UPDATE: Pablo is right, of course, in comments. A hoax. Not even the Onion, just an everyday garden variety urban legend. I should have known. But since a newspaper carried it...anyway, ONE of the above is real, and TWO are hoaxes)

4 comments:

Tom said...

Dang! I got it wrong. I didn't think anyone -not in search of a laugh- could believe that men in mixed company would be able to not stare at breasts.

As usual, this [#1] study suggests others...

First, perhaps the health benefit comes from lying to researchers about not staring at breasts?

Second, can I get the benefit from pictures of breasts (relatively safe) or must I stare are real, live breasts (either dangerous or impossible)?

Third, if just seeing breasts is a measurable benefit, then surely touching them... five minutes every day (!!) is ummm... [trying to picture the study elements] ... Never mind; such a study is impossible. We'll never know the answer :-(

Pablo said...

I have a hard time believing the story about the breast research. 500 German men were told that they couldn't look at breasts for five years? What were they locked in a room and not let out, with no access to the internet? Or were they gay? In which case, the conclusion of study could be that gay people are more prone to heart problems.

I just don't buy it.

Anonymous said...

The phrase "what the hell" gave it away as the onion.

Pat J said...

Hoax.Sorry.
Study: Staring at breasts increases heart health

Published : Friday, 04 Mar 2011, 7:02 AM EST

* Gene Lavanchy

Gene
Lavanchy

(FOX 25 / MyFoxBoston.com) - PLEASE NOTE: Much to the dismay of many of us here at FOX 25, we have received quite a few responses that this story is actually false and was an internet hoax from quite a few years ago.

However, once this story was posted, it took off like wildfire on the web and was shared with great excitement. Apparently, many of you agree with this study!

Come to find out, there is no study to back this up so we are now leaving it up to you.

Hoax or not a hoax… Do you agree with this ‘study’?
---------

Guys, listen up. A study says it is actually healthy to stare at a woman's breasts.

Five-hundred men participated in the German study. Half were told to refrain from looking at breasts for five years, the other half were told to ogle them daily.

The study found the men who stared at breasts more often showed lower rates of heart problems, a lower resting heart rate and lower blood pressure.

The authors of the study recommend that men stare at breasts for 10 minutes a day.