A fun little urban-legendy RO from Wal-Mart
Dear Mrs. Denner,
Over the past six months, your
husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate
this behaviour and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against Mr. Denner are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms
and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2: Set all the alarm clocks
in House-wares to go off at 5-minute intervals
(MORE AFTER THE JUMP...)
July 7: Made a trail of tomato
juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
July 19: Walked up to an employee
and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in House-wares. Get on it right
away."
August 4: Went to the Service
Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
September 14: Moved a
"CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
September 15: Set up a tent in
the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they
would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
September 23: When a clerk asked
if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people
just leave me alone?"
October 4: Looked right into the
security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
November 10: While handling guns
in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
December 3: Darted around the
store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible"
theme.
December 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes
of funnels.
December 18: Hid in a clothing
rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 21: When an announcement
came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH
NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
December 23: Went into a fitting
room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "Hey!
There's no toilet paper in here!"
Once again we cannot tolerate
this behaviour in our store.
Regards, Wal-Mart
3 comments:
I saw this posted previously as being from K-mart (with some official looking letterhead thrown in). I wanted to believe this was real, but now...
this reminds me of playing Gilligans Island in high school.
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