Sunday, June 24, 2012

Darwin Award Prediction

So, here is the first paragraph, verbatim, of a crime story from Portland, Oregon.

A man who was intoxicated and masturbating to pornography when he drove a stolen car through the crime scene tape surrounding the homicide of a teen-age boy last year will not have to register as a sex offender.

Okay, there was a lot going on there.  Make sure you got all the pieces.  Drunk. Masturbating while staring at pornography. While driving.  Driving a stolen car. Right through a big yellow "crime scene" tape. Area swarming with local and state constabulary, all carrying guns. Looks like this:

But the judge let him off pretty easy.  Because the guy wasn't texting.  THEN there would have been trouble.

Sounds a future Darwin Award, maybe 2014.  Oh, and with a grateful nod to Raoul.


Seth said...

I thought that, in order to qualify for a Darwin Award, one had to do something that prevented himself from (further) procreating?

This guy still appears to be a threat to the gene pool.

Seth said...

Sorry, I missed the last sentence. I wouldn't bet against him for 2014.

G Wolf said...

Looks like Tim Robbins, no?

Michael said...

If they ever make a live-action version of The Simpsons, expect to see him playing Sideshow Bob