My dear wife sends me the following email:
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big freaking red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb ass.
Wow. Her birthday is coming up. I think I'll take back the mood ring I bought her,
and get a diamond.
(props to Disturbed, for the title)