Whitest Man on Earth
I have claimed several times that Art Carden is the whitest man on earth.
Being truly white is not just having pasty skin, though of course that helps.
Being truly white requires a sense of tight-ass, mayonnaise-on-Wonder fashion, also, no matter how out of place.
Consider the picture below, taken at APEE, in the Bahamas. The prosecution rests.
(BTW, in case you couldn't tell, Art C is the giant corn-fed galoot in the middle, with the suit)